i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
