I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
