he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We just shotgunned beers for America
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
