hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
