We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
