Just took my morning after pill in the library
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
