I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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