so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize