Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
