do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
