You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize