So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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