Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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