people are starting to question the shark bite story
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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