I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
