Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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