I feel like I'm in dance class right now
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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