there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
only if we run a train.
done.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
