does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We need to rekindle our bromance
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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