ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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