Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
