what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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