This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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