he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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