My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
