I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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