so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i drank out of a bidet.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
