I like to think it a success when the cops are called
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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