I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
