That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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