You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
