my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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