we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
