Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
