my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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