I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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