I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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