Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
