That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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