Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
