i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
