Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
