YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
