My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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