He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
