Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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