drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
