I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize