you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
