I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
