What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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