You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
