My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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