jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
