WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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