mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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