your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
PANTIES FOUND
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