So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
