He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
