PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
