I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
