just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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