someone threw a dead crab at me
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize