it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Dick very happy bro
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
